This morning I stepped outside to find that the world had changed once again while I was sleeping. Instead of a muggy warmth, I noticed dew on the grass and a chill in the air. I looked up from my cup of coffee to see a perfectly clear azure blue sky, a flock of geese in formation flying overhead, a moon that was still as bright as alabaster against the sunrise, and a spider-web donned in a crystal display that would rival the greatest of Parisian fashion. Instead of a cacophony of birds singing against the new day, I heard only one sparrow chanting the chorus of an approaching autumn. The morning was stunningly silent except for the lone bird announcing the change of season and the eerie sound of goose wings flailing the air. I wondered how many other people noticed the change that took place as we slept.
As I stood gazing upward, I breathed a sigh of a prayer that was simple and heart-felt. Upon returning inside, I kissed my daughter on her way out the door to school and hugged my son as he confidently made his way to the bus stop. As is the modern habit of Western man, I hurried through the on-line business that has become so routine: checking my email, checking my blog, and cruising through Facebook to see who was up to what. I came across a startling post from a friend that I go to church with. Below is the post…I hope she doesn’t mind:
The loss of my child has really taken it out of me this time. I’m fighting hard to snap back. Yet at every step forward I have something happen to knock me down. I worship at home all day and cry out to God for understanding. I ask for my heart to stop hurting so badly. I can’t bring myself to go to church yet. I can hardly even look my friends or family in the eyes. “sigh” most the time I still feel very angry that the sweet life I had growing in me is dead. I feel angry that my little boy says mommy why did our baby die and “insert many names” make it?! Mommy why did God let my cousins be born with autism and not be able to express their feelings or play with me? All asked with big tears in his eyes!! I’m one of many with this kind of pain in their life! I tell you this: why?? Because it makes all the political junk (that doesn’t matter anyway because they are ALL great big liars and only want to tickle your ears to get your money) seem WAY UNIMPORTANT doesn’t it?…because I have unspeakable joy and love and peace in the middle of my deep suffering. Because I know the plans I have for you saith the Lord! He holds me in his arms and lets me cry out even bitterly at times! He provides shelter through a beautiful home, shelter in the arms of an adoring husband, healing in feeling my sweet living children in my arms, healing in the hug of a dear friend who has let me stand in her kitchen needing a shower sobbing so sadly, healing in singing as loud as I can: “I exalt thee oh lord for oh how you love us! He is the way the truth and the life. Until you serve and love THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY MAKER OF HEAVEN AND EARTH nothing in your life will change or make sense. NO politician can heal you or heal America. Instead of bashing any of them or anyone on this planet, me and my family choose to follow the word of God and PRAY for them. Let us fall to our knees and cry out to God for him to radically change the hearts in people. Let us pray they have a love encounter with Christ our Lord and savior and that they are never the same again! Now I shall get off my soap box, diminish and remain Kelly of Green View Place 🙂 lol, yes even in the middle of rants and sadness, I can find humor and still am a huge lotr nerd!! Laugh at yourself people: live, love, laugh!! Simple, true, real…
The circumstance behind this post is a miscarriage and the pain associated with it. I love Kelly and her husband and her kids and her family. The problem is that sometimes we all must withdraw to bleed in silence before our God. Honestly, there is nothing that can be said to a person caught in the storms of the soul. We must in essence “wait out the storm” and try our best to be a lighthouse to guide them back to shore in love. Prayers and kind words are all we can offer. When life doesn’t make sense, there are two options: we can try by our best efforts to reason things out or we can “lean not unto our own understanding” and trust God to heal us from the inside out.
We have all been in this place one time or another. There is a healthy way to heal and there is an unhealthy progression as well. From my own experience, you can become bitter and angry. But in God’s world, He longs for us to find our peace in Him. People who do not know God cannot understand the peculiar world of living by faith. Faith is not faith if it is not put through fire; faith that is untested is merely positive thinking; faith that is not lived is simply a mental crutch that eventually fails us. When we walk through the pain and suffering in life, it should drive us into the loving arms of our Lord. There we find a peace that is beyond mere human comprehension, there we find a personal and caring God that weeps with us, and there we find a comfort that reminds us of the eternal and the infinite and the hope that awaits a soul steeped in His grace. When someone like Kelly crosses your path, you have to share in her broken heart. A broken heart is bitter-sweet in that it is painful but it is also beautiful. The Lord uses brokenness in order to bless. Every time Christ is offering bread or food to His people, He blesses and then He breaks and then others are blessed! Like the feeding of the 5000, He lifts His eyes to heaven and gives thanks, then He blesses the offering and then He breaks the offering. This is how the Kingdom of God operates. Even Christ on the cross reminds us that out of brokenness comes profound blessing. But notice the blessing is always more than personal: it touches many more lives than just our own. Christ was resurrected into His own glory, but the true and amazing truth here is that His brokenness and resurrection was for you and me and for our eventual glory. We are the beneficiaries of His sacrifice.
So it is people like Kelly that love the Lord with every fiber of their being that bless people like me. In her pain, she will be blessed…but even more than that…she will bless others like me. I thank my God and my King for Christian community; I thank Him for providing boldness of testimony through others; I thank Him that through love we can all take part in Kelly’s healing as we ourselves are healed through her testimony.
So as I look back on my morning and the changing of the season, I hear Kelly’s cry in the sparrow, I see Kelly’s resolve in the alabaster moon reflecting the glory of the Sonrise, I hear the Spirit moving in her heart like the flight of the geese, I see the web of a lifetime adorned in God’s grace, and I hear her pain being washed in the Silence.